ACC Teams as Sopranos Characters

Ever since Robert Irby authored “An Offer They Can't Refuse” where he broke down the conference realignment nonsense using The Godfather as the North Star for the article, I have come up with dozens of mafia/pop culture references and found ways to tie them into the ACC and college football as a whole. Growing up in Northern New Jersey, The Sopranos is truly one of, if not the best, pieces of television ever to air. Satin Dolls, the original “Bada Bing Club,” was less than 10 miles from my house, and James Gandolfini would spend his Christmases with family just around the corner from where I grew up. The Sopranos is woven into the very fabric of Northern Jersey, so what better place to keep the parallels to Mafioso alive than by matching ACC teams to characters from HBO’s masterpiece?

Disclaimer: If you are reading this and have never seen The Sopranos… respectfully, what is your problem? Bookmark this page, spend the next few weeks on your couch, and make that a priority. You can thank me later—this is dedicated viewing.

Everyone waited the entire series for Christopher to grow up. He had the nice cars, the good-looking girlfriend, the gold chains, and the flashy watches. 

Like Miami, Christopher was addicted to the hype but couldn’t get out of his own way. Every preseason for Miami reminds me of the quote at the top. On one hand, Christopher ended up dead following a drug-induced car crash, with Tony putting him out of his misery. Miami usually ends up 7–5, covered in a pool of their own excrement and losing to teams they have no business losing to.

 “I’m not a kid anymore! I’m a grown man with responsibilities!”

Christopher Season 1

Carmela is absolutely stunning, classy, and an incredibly captivating character. She ALWAYS brings the heat with the wardrobe the entire series and is consistently surrounded by success, but is never the driver of that success. 

North Carolina’s powder blue uniforms are objectively awesome, and the brand of their university is undeniable, but everyone knows the true driver of their entire lifestyle and brand stems from the hardwood—similar to how Carmela’s lavish lifestyle is provided by Tony, and she is the beneficiary.

Sidebar: We were all freaked out by the Carmela and Father Phil situation early in the series, right? All of us? Good—same page. The general uncomfyness of that situation really reminds me of this whole Bill Belichick–Jordon Hudson situation. A whole lot of yuck!

Junior and Georgia Tech are the old heads who once truly held power and still believe they do, but everyone around them knows the tables have turned as the game has evolved. 

Junior used to be feared and respected. Georgia Tech won two leather football helmet national championships and an additional two in the latter half of the 20th century. They raise a little hell every once in a while, but similar to when Junior fell in the bathtub or got his hand stuck in the drain, Georgia Tech could lose at home to Bowling Green, like they did in 2023. 

Although Georgia isn’t in the ACC, they are the Tony to Junior’s GT in the Peach State.

I’m really not trying to troll the Cavaliers by associating them with one of the least-liked characters on the show, but the similarities are uncanny. 

In the words of Colin Cowherd, UVA Football is just soft. UVA and A.J. both carry a sense of snobby and fake-tough-guy privilege. Any time they are challenged, they wilt and cower in the face of even the slightest adversity. They have flashes of ambition—A.J. wanting to join the Army or UVA having that historic 2019 "We finally beat Tech!" football season they hoped to build off of—but those aspirations are short-lived and end in embarrassing fashion.

Hand up, there was no way this list was being assembled without Gloria Trillo. Definitely a top 3 television crush of my college career, and there is NO better comp to make outside of Louisville.

Louisville and Gloria have an undeniable “it” factor. They’re flashy, exciting, and when they are hot they will absolutely wreck your world. Beautiful, but also crazy to the point where you feel like you need to be walking on eggshells. Gloria was only in six episodes of The Sopranos in Season 3, and as quickly as she burst onto the scene, she was gone—never to be seen again. Louisville has had flashes of brilliance as well! Lamar won the Heisman in 2016 and his second ACC POTY in 2017. Then, Louisville went 0–8 in conference and 2–10 overall in 2018 and fired Bobby Petrino.

“I’m not some doormat! You can’t just come and go when you please!” 

Gloria, Season 3, Episode 12.

This sounds a lot like Louisville yelling at CFB when they’re not taken seriously and then falling apart in tragic fashion. Kinda like this year! Started 3–0, only to lose 3 of the next 4.

You all had to know this was coming. Tony is the undisputed boss, just like Clemson is the undisputed alpha of the ACC. Sure, early on in the Dabo era, he was crippled by “Clemsoning,” just like Tony would have flashes of shortness of breath or passing out. But over time, he worked his way to the top and demanded respect. Tony and the Tigers are also RUTHLESS. There were times they needed to put their foot down to remind everyone who is in charge. 62–17 vs. UVA in the 2019 ACC Championship, or Tony beating the hell out of Coco in Season 6.

Worth noting that cracks started to show in the later seasons with Tony. As Tony started to refuse to continue therapy, Dabo refused to use the portal. It’s yet to be seen how that plays out for the Tigers—and as for Tony… we never found out how that story ended.

Bonus: My guy Kyle Beene had a great add-on here. Much like Tony showed infidelity to Carmela, Clemson has recently been flirting with the mission to leave the ACC in the dust. However, unlike Tony—can we really blame Clemson for doing that?

Similar to Notre Dame, Johnny Sack was not actually “in the family.” His allegiance lay outside of the Garden State with the Lupertazzi crime family in NYC, but he would consistently pull strings across state lines and demanded a ton of respect across the entire show.

“If I wanted to worry about Florida, I would move to f*****g Miami.”

Johnny Sack

Coincidentally, that quote lines up with the fact that Notre Dame starts its season against the Hurricanes on August 31st this year. The “Catholics vs. Convicts” rivalry has been quite one-sided lately, with the Fighting Irish winning 4 of the last 5 meetings.

Is there a team in all of college football with a larger gap between its high-water mark and low-water mark? The comparison for me is Phil Leotardo—with a repeating sign at the end. Allow me to explain.

Phil, early in his life, was rising through the ranks as a dominant, feared, and—above all—respected mobster. These were the Bobby Bowden years, continuing into the heyday of the Jimbo tenure. Then Phil got locked up for 20 years and was completely off the radar. This aligns with FSU’s football program from the end of 2016 through 2022, during which the ‘Noles went a combined 26–33.

Just like Phil got out after his time in prison, he and the Seminoles picked up right where they left off—FSU went 23–4 in 2022 and 2023.

Now, last year was… awful. Two wins! The lowest win total since 1974!

Could this be the start of the same story repeating itself? Or is this just a blip on the radar—like when Vito fled to New Hampshire to avoid Phil's wrath, only to be taken care of shortly after?

Only time will tell.

A couple of qualities to describe Paulie:

Fiercely loyal: Paulie was one of the most loyal characters on the show. No matter how bitter or frustrated, he stayed loyal and true to the family. That’s Virginia Tech. Hokie Nation has seen a lot of lows. We may complain and grumble, but they never let go of the rope or switch up.

Traditional: Like Paulie clings to routine and the way things once were, Virginia Tech clutches onto the old way of doing things. Enter Sandman, the Lunch Pail Defense—these aren’t just catchphrases, they’re like a religion to Hokie fans. You could argue that a lack of adjusting and adapting has led to the decline of the program, but the nostalgia of what was lives on in the minds of the fans, administration, and beyond.

Violently volatile with a splash of comedic relief: Paulie had some great moments and some catastrophic meltdowns. That sound familiar? The Hokies beat Ohio State in 2014 at The Shoe, only to lose to East Carolina at home 7 days later and finish 6-6. In 2018, Tech embarrassed FSU in Tallahassee on national TV, then lost to ODU in Norfolk later that month, finishing with yet another 6-6 season. In a dark, twisted way—for Hokie fans—Virginia Tech has provided its fair share of comedic relief to college football fans for years.

Mostly likable: Not to be biased, but I think it's fair to say that overall, Virginia Tech is a mostly likable program. UVA fans and other Hokie detractors aside, I believe most people who are neutral view VT favorably. Paulie’s impact on The Sopranos was overwhelmingly positive. He had to have one of the highest approval ratings across the entire cast. The show was better with him in it. I think most would agree that college football is better when the Hokies are competent.

Silvio was always close, but was never—and will never be—the boss. He was never flashy or chasing attention. The Wolfpack sit just a short drive from in-state rival UNC, who is always seeking attention, retweets and headlines. The Wolfpack consistently reminds them they are not a football school. Since 2009, NC State has beaten UNC 11 out of 15 times and has won the last four in a row.

When Silvio spoke, people listened. When Silvio was disrespected, he never took it lightly. NC State never shied away from Clemson and even beat the top-10 Tigers in 2021. They took down the Lamar-led Louisville Cardinals in 2017. They aren’t cut out to be the lead character, but they are crucial to the fabric of the ACC.

Maybe the most tailor-made fit for this exercise. Respectfully, Livia’s entire vibe sucks and brings everyone down. Sure, one time back in the day, they were relevant. Yes, Livia, we know your deceased husband was a saint (Matt Ryan and Doug Flutie comp). You're always on your high horse of morality and goody two-shoes (Irish Catholic, alumni, and Northeast prestige comp), but now you’re just a grumpy old hag that no one cares about—or cares to visit!

The excuses, while understandable, don’t mean you’re owed something! Sorry that academics make it hard to recruit! Sorry that elite CFB talent doesn’t want to go to school in BOSTON (and that’s coming from me). Sorry that your gameday environments suck outside of the bandanna game. But you all are just a drag, and eventually, will die off.

Where to even start? Did anyone like Ralphie? Literally anyone? He and Pat Narduzzi seem to have two things in common: They both love khakis, and people tend not to be huge fans!

Ralphie was often unhinged (Narduzzi handshake fiasco, media outbursts), but also showed flashes of brilliance and chaos. Ralphie, out of nowhere, told inappropriate jokes about Johnny Sack’s wife—much like when Pitt beat No. 2 Clemson in 2016. What about when he brutally murdered a Bada Bing dancer? No one saw that coming! Kinda like when Pitt brutally murdered WVU's chances of a National Championship bid in 2007.

Remember when Ralphie’s fat, stupid mouth got him killed by Tony? Kinda like when Pitt beat Tennessee in Knoxville, then lost to Western Michigan in 2021. Or when Pitt players stomped on the field and Pat said the noise at VT was no concern in 2019… just to get shut out in a downpour? We love some poetic justice.

Have truer words ever been spoken about Duke? Look, they run a GREAT institution—like Artie runs a great restaurant. Everyone comes to eat at Vesuvio’s, just like every fanbase comes to watch their team win on the road vs. the Blue Devils.

Now, Artie and Duke pop their heads up once in a while. Just like he did when he pulled a rifle out on Tony, much like when Duke beat ND in 2016, or 20th-ranked GT in 2015. But just like Artie crumbled shortly after confronting Tony in that parking lot, Duke lost the very next week after each of those huge wins.

“I’m not like you people!”

Artie, Season 4, Episode 10

“You have no idea what it’s like to be me.”

– Meadow, Season 6, Episode 19

No, we indeed do not. Wake has just around 5,500 undergrads. But Meadow is a smart, overachieving character who is consistently underrated.

Small but mighty!

Wake Forest has more 8-win seasons than Miami, Virginia Tech, and FSU since 2019! Wow. Also, Meadow was able to glean that Tony was in the mob rather quickly—much like how Dave Clawson was able to figure out how to carve up defenses with his RPO style and shocked many with what he could accomplish in little ol’ Wake. Don’t sleep on the Deacons!

I would also like to note that Wake Forest has  played in more ACC Championships as big bad Miami who has been only once. 

Like the Orange all the way up in Syracuse with their dome, Janice is not like everyone else here. Janice, in one moment, will embrace her spirituality and riff about karma—and later on, murder Richie in cold blood and then disappear on a bus! In 2009, Syracuse went ahead and beat the 17th-ranked Hokies, then lost 54–0 at Clemson. In 2022, Syracuse won their first 6 games, only to lose 6 of their next 7.

Not to mention, the karma/voodoo nonsense sure is alive in the house of horrors they play in. Carrier Dome, JMA Dome, whatever—you can’t deny it’s weird and scary.

Melfi fits perfectly for the lone new ACC member we’ll cover. Like Melfi, Stanford has really struggled to coexist in a world they don’t fit in. Out in California, with no real interest in the NIL era of college sports and emotionally drained. 

Melfi quit therapy, just like Stanford threw in the towel as the sport passed them by. But maybe Andrew Luck can pick up the pieces and make this thing work again? Time will tell. But for now, they can talk about their feelings, degrees, and favorite glasses of cabernet.

The BONUS Section

A few characters we had to mention, but they didn’t fit the ACC—so I wasn’t going to force it. Here are a few others for good measure:

I’ll be honest, Virginia Tech was very close to getting the Richie treatment, and you could certainly make the case for it—but Nebraska is a more natural fit to me.

Richie was chronically obsessed with the past. Once he returned from prison, he believed he could immediately jump back in the driver's seat. Nebraska once believed getting Scott Frost back in Lincoln meant "Nebraska is back!". It was not. 

I do think Nebraska is significantly more likable than Richie, but they’ll mouth off every once in a while and get put in their place. It seems like their fanbase has been shot in the chest by Janice over and over again, but they aren’t dead yet. Let’s see if Matt Rhule can bring the magic back.

Adriana is beautiful, beloved, and captivating—much like Sandstorm at Williams-Brice. She also longs for something better and has dreams of her own. South Carolina has always been chasing validation—as a member of the SEC or even just the best team in their own state. Adriana was constantly used by other more powerful figures—the Feds, Tony, and even Christopher. South Carolina’s recruiting ground and dreams of success are constantly pillaged by Georgia, Clemson, and the rest of the SEC.

A tragic end: South Carolina has an invested but rabid fanbase. We all knew Adriana’s run on the show was going to end in the most tragic way imaginable. South Carolina’s hopes are often crushed in devastating fashion, even when it seems like everyone is rooting for them.

Furio was just wildly unpredictable. He was at the table with the family, but was a visitor. Much like Ole Miss! They are at the table of the SEC, but never running the show, never in charge.

Remember when Ole Miss beat Alabama twice in a row? Some thought, “Oh wow! Hugh Freeze is up next.” Kinda like when Furio almost killed Tony. 

There is also a parallel with Furio and Carmela having some spice a few times? The current head whistle of the Rebs seems to have quite a bit of romantic spice himself.

***SPOILER*** This is the last scene of The Sopranos.

IF you have not seen it yet...

You clearly didn't follow directions.

Watch at your own risk.

IF you have seen it before, as criticized as the final scene is, I think it is perfect. Tony lived in a world of chaos. The pipedream of him living happily ever after just wasn't in the cards. His demise was always waiting for him just around the corner. We just never knew if that corner would show up. This feels a lot like the ACC as a conference right now. We had some great times, some awesome characters, and memories. The truth of the matter is this is all going to cut to black sooner rather than later. The only difference? Like Tony, Meadow, Carmela, and AJ all gathered around that table together, most teams are wondering who will have a seat at the next table to stay alive and keep the party going. 

Let's enjoy every moment we have left with this silly and lovable conference.